By VelikaLawrence
PROSAF_ThePower OfOne
PROSAF – Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean
What are you doing? Please don’t touch me there. Please stop. No don’t do it. No, I don’t want to, I’ve changed my mind. Please leave me alone. Screams, Cries and Pleas.
I can’t adequately explain what it feels like to have someone infringe on your right to be free and secure in your own body, I can’t explain what it feels like to know there is nothing you can to do stop what is happening, to know that nothing will erase the smell, the memory, or the feeling of what is happening. Rape, Child molestation, incest, fondling, touching, oral/anal/vaginal intercourse that isn’t wanted leaves the victim feeling very out of control.
Knowing that nothing that is said or done will deter them, nothing will change their minds. One need only turn to any news channel to find a litany of stories from women, men and children, who have to deal with the ramifications of someone’s decision to sexually violate them. Why did you let it happen, why didn’t you say anything, what were you wearing, why did it take you so long to come forward?
From these questions it appears we are almost complicit in the crimes committed against us. These questions don’t help survivors; they only serve to re-victimize them. The act in and of it-self leaves you feeling shameful and somehow blame worthy and these questions only serve to reinforce those feelings.
Any one who understands the nature of sexual assaults will also know that it is very rarely about sex and more often about power. Sexual assault is never about compromising. There is rarely a chance to stop what has started occurring. Saying no does nothing to deter one who is hell bent on committing the crime. There seems to be a lack of concern for the welfare of those who have been assaulted and I can only assume this is because there is a lack of understanding as to what sexual assault is.
Sexual Assault includes any sexual activity that one party does not agree to; rape, incest, child molestation, fondling, sexual touching, sexual activity that one person doesn’t agree to, oral, anal, vaginal intercourse that isn’t wanted by one party. Sexual acts aren’t always physical but can also be visual or verbal. I hope that with this knowledge we are better able as a society to support those who have been abused, to stand with them and help them down their difficult road to recovery.
Many don’t understand that sexual assault not only damages you physically but also psychologically. The after-effects of sexual assault are lasting and more damaging when there is a lack of support. Sexual assault is more rampant on our island and through the wider Caribbean than we are willing to believe or acknowledge.
I have found that with this crime many believe that if they will themselves into believing it doesn’t exist or didn’t happen that they don’t have to face it, that they don’t have to take a stance. By ignoring what is happening you have already taken a stance, by asking that we remain silent, you have already chosen a side.
The message you are sending is that we have something to be ashamed of, that we are guilty of something. You are telling the abusers that they can get away with the crimes they are committing. As a country we have to take a stand on issues that affect our people, our future leaders. Sexual crimes are rampant and while the statistics show that it isn’t a great issue, it is noted that sexual crimes are one of the most underreported crimes.
I ask that we educate ourselves on this issue. That we educate our children on issues surrounded sexual assault. They need to feel safe coming forward and confiding in a parent, teacher, police officer, etc. They need to feel they will be protected. Survivors need to believe that they will be believed, that they will be supported and helped while dealing with what was done to them. I ask as a nation that we stop being ignorant to what is happening in our country and the wider Caribbean.
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