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Late Night Lecture

On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Daniel.

‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.

‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

Man goes to a dentist

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.” “Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

Secret For Staying Together

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

Roast Beef and Pea Soup

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Cats Go to Heaven

While a little boy was at school, his cat died. Worried about how he would take the news when he got home, his mother consoled him and said: “Don’t worry , darling. Tiger is in Heaven with God now.” The boy looked at her and said: “What’s God gonna do with a dead cat?”

 

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Late Night Lecture

On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Daniel.

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‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.

‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

Man goes to a dentist

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.” “Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

Secret For Staying Together

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

Roast Beef and Pea Soup

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Cats Go to Heaven

While a little boy was at school, his cat died. Worried about how he would take the news when he got home, his mother consoled him and said: “Don’t worry , darling. Tiger is in Heaven with God now.” The boy looked at her and said: “What’s God gonna do with a dead cat?”