25th Anniversary
After celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a romantic dinner at a restaurant, the wife thanked her husband for a wonderful evening.
“It’s not over yet,” he said, and once back at the house, he presented her with a little black velvet box. She opened it in eager anticipation, but found nothing more than two pills inside.
“What are these pills?” she asked, puzzled.
“Aspirin.”
“But I don’t have a headache.”
“Gotcha!” he cried triumphantly.
Three Strikes
A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, “That’s once.” A little farther down the road the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice.” A little while later the horse stumbled yet again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand-new wife yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.” The farmer responded, “That’s once.”
Obituary Submission
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.”
Confounded at the woman’s thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, “In that case, ‘Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale’.”
